Ugly Dad’s Hometown Bans Legal Cannabis Sales

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Cannabis might be legal in Michigan, but don’t even think about trying to sell it in the city of Hudsonville. In a recent WOOD TV8 story and interview, Hudsonville Mayor Mark Northrup was very vocal about his opinions on legal cannabis and its effect on the community.

hudsonville city commissionMeet the Hudsonville City Council/Mayonaise Enthusiasts Club


These days Ugly Dad lives in the desert, far from Hudsonville Michigan, but I was raised in Hudsonville, graduated from its public high school, I still have friends and family there, and yes, I smoked a lot of weed in Hudsonville well before it went legal in Michigan. Add to the fact that I work in the cannabis industry, so yeah, I take this a little personally!

insult-2902607_1920She expresses my sentiments exactly

Northrup is drawing a “line in the sand,” as he put it, regarding cannabis sales in his town. In the interview, Northrup passionately espoused his reasons for banning legal Cannabis sales in Hudsonville, though his reasons weren’t reasons per se, but rather a collection of antiquated attitudes about cannabis that show a fundamental lack of understanding and compassion. Northrup approaches the issue under the assumed premise that cannabis is bad or immoral, and his beliefs about cannabis are rooted in a willful ignorance that could be easily remedied with a little research. And though the majority of Hudsonville voters did choose to ban legal cannabis sales in the city limits, I attribute the result of the vote to an abundance of misinformation, prejudice, and ignorance, the kind demonstrated by Northrup throughout the interview.

That said, here are a few of Northrup’s boldest statements from the interview. Hopefully anyone who was mislead by his claims will read this and consider the facts over Northrup’s puritanical ranting.


Northrup: “I am duty bound to protect my community, the safety of my children, the safety on my streets.”

Northrup cites safety as a reason for his anti-cannabis stance, and of course safety is a concern in any community, but legal cannabis has yet to prove itself unsafe. In fact, legalizing cannabis has had the opposite effect in cannabis-legal jurisdictions.

Let’s talk about the border first. The bulk of illegal cannabis entering the US has come over the Mexican border. So if legal cannabis is the crime magnet Northrup believes it to be, border towns should have shown an uptick in criminal activity upon the implementation of Medical Marijuana Laws (MMLs). But in fact, the opposite is true. In a 2017 study1 utilizing the FBI’s uniform crime data,2 The Economic Journal reported that those counties near the border showed a dramatic reduction in violent crime and cartel activity after MMLs were passed. The same study also showed that the trend held true for inland jurisdictions as well. Additionally, the journal Police Quarterly reported that in Washington state and Colorado, legalized Cannabis actually helped improve police clearance rates of both violent and property crime by allowing police departments to focus resources on these more serious crimes.3

What does this mean? If Northrup was truly concerned with safety, he would fully support Cannabis sales in Hudsonville. The data completely debunk his flawed thinking.

Opponents may argue that legal cannabis results in an increase in driving under the influence, and they’d be right, but the claim comes with a caveat: legalization of cannabis shows to not only lower the rate of consumption of hard drugs, but a reduction in alcohol consumption as well. Granted, you may have more people driving “high,” but alcohol related motor vehicle infractions and accidents are reduced. But how many people are going to drive under the influence of cannabis now that it’s legal? Logic says that if people weren’t smoking cannabis because of its legal status, new users will be less likely to drive while under the influence since the practice is still illegal. But if there can be no appeal to logic, there’s also data to support the fact that experienced cannabis users who drive under the influence show no functional impairment in their ability to operate a vehicle.4

war-of-the-worlds-1519068_1920Look at that smoke! Clearly they were smoking the devil’s lettuce!


Northrup: “Why do people want to come to Hudsonville?…we are a community of faith and values, we don’t want marijuana here.”

Guess what: marijuana is already there. Faith/values (whose? Northrup’s I guess) and support of cannabis are not mutually exclusive ideas. Not to mention, whatever those faith and values are Northrup is touting, they don’t apply to everyone in Hudsonville.


Northrup: “Nothing good is going to come of this and we are putting a line in the sand. We don’t want it here. We don’t need it here.”

Nothing good can come of legal Cannabis? Well if the crime statistics didn’t convince you otherwise, let’s talk dollars. As reported by Forbes5 in May 2018, Michigan earned over an estimated 630 million dollars in a single year of medical marijuana sales. Keep in mind this dwarfs the other medical or recreational states by a magnitude of 10. It’s likely that the residents of Hudsonville would like a little share of that “nothing good.”

But the good goes beyond mere dollars and cents. Currently, there are over two million medical marijuana patients in the US using cannabis to treat conditions such as Tourette Syndrome, Crohn’s disease, chemotherapy related nausea, MS, and more.6,7,8 Often times, these patients found relief using cannabis that they couldn’t get with other treatments. Northrup claims that these people should use cannabis in their own basements only. Fortunately, it isn’t up to Northrup to decide what’s best for our sick.


Northrup: “What is the message to the school children…we’re gonna sell marijuana to pay for your school son and daughter…it’s a false message, it’s vulgar almost.”

Clearly Northrup either didn’t read Proposition 1 or he just doesn’t care. In addition to covering the cost of regulation and providing funding for medical cannabis research, tax money from legal cannabis will in fact be used to fund schools. On top of the regular state sales tax, an additional 10% excise tax will be applied to sales of legal Cannabis. 35% of this revenue has been earmarked for schools. Northrup’s assertion that this is a “false message” is just that. In addition to money for schools, another 35% will go to transportation and road repair, with the remaining 30% being split among counties and cities that allow cannabis dispensaries.

read-316507This kid knows more about cannabis than Northrup


One bright spot regarding cannabis sales in Hudsonville is that the ban can be overturned when the city of Hudsonville realizes it voted against its own interests, like it did in a 2007 vote that finally allowed restaurants to serve alcohol in the city limits. Prior to this new vote, Hudsonville had voted to keep its antiquated liquor laws. Like alcohol sales, the smart money says it’s just a matter of time before cannabis sales will be legal in Hudsonville. And if Mark Northrup doesn’t like that, maybe he should be the one to stay in the basement, rather than hindering the community with policy fueled by false claims and ignorance.


Cited Sources:

  1. The Economic Journal
  2. Police Quarterly
  3. Uniform Crime Reporting Program
  4. THE EFFECT OF CANNABIS COMPARED WITH ALCOHOL ON DRIVING
  5. Forbes
  6. Health Benefits of Cannabis
  7. Cannabis for MS and Epilepsy
  8. The Value of Medical Cannabis in Treating Veterans with PTSD
  9. Michigan Proposal 1 (2018)

Canna Cribs Episode 4 is here!

Hey there! Maybe you didn’t know this but Ugly Dad is a fan of Cannabis. I’ve been enjoying it since my youth and contrary to what you might have learned in your 4th grade D.A.R.E. class, I haven’t become a criminal, burnout, dropout, or any of that. Cannabis has treated me pretty well through two college degrees, a stable marriage, fatherhood, and I’ve worked consistently since I was fifteen years old (the same age I started toking up…coincidence? Yeah, probably). But Cannabis became an even bigger part of my life recently.

Last July, Ugly Dad quit teaching and started a new gig as a content writer for a professional cannabis community (which you should join by the way…and here’s a secret: we’re launching a hobbyist grower site in the next couple months). In addition to the blog and community, we produce a web series called Canna Cribs (think MTV Cribs but with weed😉) and I’m happy to announce that episode four of our first season went live today. Episode 4 provides viewers an inside look into Los Suenos Farm, the largest legal outdoor grow op in the world. It’s a killer episode and if you’re a grower, a smoker, or just cannacurious, you need to check it out. It’s a fun series with lots of great info on the industry, no matter what your level of interest. Have a look!


What did you think of the episode? Leave a comment or send me a message. Would you like to know more about the Cannabis industry? Same. Love you!

Ugly Dad’s Top X Reasons I Quit Teaching

I taught school for ten years before I became the Ugly Dad you know today, and getting out of the field was one of the best things I’ve done for myself. You know why so many teachers are shitty and angry? Based on my experience, it’s because teaching school is one of the worst things a person can devote their life to.

Continue reading “Ugly Dad’s Top X Reasons I Quit Teaching”

Ugly Dad’s Top 8 Worst Social Media Post Haters

Hey! Welcome back, or just welcome. You spoke and Ugly Dad listened and as a reward for all that hard work you did in answering my question, “What’s the worst type of social media posts?” here’s a terrible post about the worst social media posts.

But you might be saying, Ugly Dad, there are so many of these already, what could you possibly add?

Continue reading “Ugly Dad’s Top 8 Worst Social Media Post Haters”

Rosemary’s Bae by Kimmy Dee

Sure, I’ve danced with the devil in the pale moonlight… and then stared at the ceiling for three and a half minutes while ole Beezlebub jackhammered away, before rolling over and farting himself to sleep.

As far as Tinder dates go, I’ve had worse.

Still, I was relieved when he didn’t call. The only reason I’d swiped right on Satan in the first place was piqued curiosity over his fabled forked tongue, only for him to casually blurt out over dinner that he doesn’t go down. You’ve gotta admit that’s a dick move, even for the Antichrist.

So you can imagine my glee when three weeks later, after several mornings of projectile vomiting green goo, I pissed on a plastic stick and a faint pink line appeared.

Joy.

I was in my 30s, single, and knocked up by the devil. Even my cats seemed disappointed by my life choices. And if there was ever any doubt about paternity, it was dispelled when ultrasound pictures clearly depicted adorable cloven hooves.

Abortion wasn’t an option. I’m militantly pro-choice, but once I felt the first stirrings of my demon fetus I knew it wasn’t a decision I could live with… mainly because the bastard probably would’ve killed me first. I once grabbed a wire hanger to put away my coat and immediately queefed out a fireball – I think it was a warning shot.

Pregnancy is so precious.

As my unholy baby bump grew we opted to give our relationship a real shot, so I accompanied the devil down to Georgia on a business trip. I quickly decided my diabolical child deserved better than a second-fiddle bully for a father, and I fled home to prepare for life as a single mom to the rightful heir to hell’s throne. (I also stopped for a pedicure—that Southern humidity was nefarious to my swollen tootsies.)

Most new mothers consider their birth stories (and only theirs) as miraculously thrilling tales, but mine was pretty unremarkable. There was the usual chanting in tongues and the air swirled with streams of virgins’ blood, but I was too stoned to pay much attention.

Oh come on, I banged the Prince of Darkness without using protection, you didn’t expect me to hop upon that “natural childbirth” high horse, did you? I took all the drugs, and afterwards asked the nurse for a doggie bag.

Two days later little Lucy and I were sent home with instructions on umbilical cord and severed tail care, and we settled into our new lives pretty well.

But it was hard to make ends meet.

Childcare costs in this country are ridiculous anyway, but with the “possession premium” heaped onto the already overburdened families of demonic tykes I was basically paying to go to work. I swallowed my pride, and texted Satan for help; he responded with a “new phone, who dis” meme, then blocked my number.

So I took his accursed ass to court.

My petition for child support required several supplemental pages, as one could fill a book with just the known aliases of the defendant. I submitted the first shedding of Lucy’s curved horns as proof of paternity, which the judge deemed sufficient before signing the cross and rushing me out of the courtroom.

But I still haven’t seen a dime from the serpentine prick. He’s vanished, and if anyone can go deep underground for a few millennia to let a scandal blow over, it’s Satan.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the family court system he didn’t exist.

But don’t worry about me or Lucy, we’ll be fine. Since my court order went public I’ve had offers for book deals and talk show appearances that will bankroll both of our futures. And Lucy, well, if our naptime battles are any indication she’ll be ripe to defeat her father and reign as the Queen of Hell before she’s even through her terrible twos.

And in the end, isn’t that all we want for our children?


Kimmy Dee is the author of the essay collection Pussy Planet and Other Endearing Tales, and she has soiled various dark corners of the internet with her harebrained excuses for short stories. She lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, with her beloved cats and a family she barely tolerates.

Ugly Dad’s Unsolicited Writing Advice #2: The 5 things every writer needs to have within arm’s length when being a writer

Hello! Here comes another edition of Ugly Dad’s unsolicited writing advice. People are never asking me: “Ugly Dad, how can I be a well writerer?”

Continue reading “Ugly Dad’s Unsolicited Writing Advice #2: The 5 things every writer needs to have within arm’s length when being a writer”